22 August 2009

I didn't realize how much it would affect her...

Monday was the 1 week mark of Dan being gone. It was also the first time Genie showed how much she missed Dan.

When we were at the airport the morning he left on the 10th, she was so tired when we finally got through the security checkpoint that she didn't realize that he was leaving.

a very tired smile

When they were finally boarding, she thought she could sleep on the plane.

"Genevieve, c'mon, daddy's leaving now you have to wake up."
"No, I am tired. I want to go to sleep."
"We have to say bye now."
"We can just sleep on the plane."
"Huh? We're not going on the plane."
"Why not? We'll fly back."


She realized he was really gone the next day. Dan is usually the one that wakes her up in the morning for daycare and when he didn't, she said that she wanted him to come back. During the week when we'd take a shower or while we're getting ready for bed, she'd ask if I missed him and she would say she missed him too.

Monday after I picked her up from daycare, we were at a stoplight listening to music. She had just finished telling me about a story that happened today when she suddenly got quiet. I looked in the child mirror and she was in tears, balling.

"Baby bear! What's wrong?"
"I miss my daddy!"
"I know, baby bear, I do too!"
"I want my daddy. I want my papa bear!"

It broke my heart to see her like that.

Thusday on the way to the AMC hosted Travis Icon competition, I was practicing the song I was going to sing.

"Mommy, sing the song, OK? Practice."
"OK. *starts singing No One*"

I get to the second verse: When the rain is pourin down and my heart is hurtin'....

"I'm sad now."
"Why baby bear?"
"Because my heart is broken."
"Why? What happened??"
"I miss my daddy."

I never thought I'd hear her talk about a broken heart at this age. She started crying on the spot and it took so much to hold back my own tears.

This is already the toughest deployment to date.

10 August 2009

I'm a mess.

I didn’t cry while we were at the airport gate. I didn’t cry while he was boarding the plane. I didn’t even cry while I was driving home.

I lost it while I was cleaning the bathroom and putting his stuff under the sink.

09 August 2009